he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
