we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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