D3 body, D1 cock
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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