I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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