Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Panties = found
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
