Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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