In the future we'll all be gay
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i would one night stand the shit outta him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
