he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then my night got REAL pukey
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
