I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
did i walk over a car last night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
