I'm so fucking centered right now
She's JV to your varsity
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
