You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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