why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
