I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
