This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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