Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
