So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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