lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
MIDGETS
????
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
