There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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