I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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