The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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