i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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