Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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