After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
