Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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