I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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