Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
