Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
