Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
