his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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