I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
BRING THE BAGELS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
