She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
