You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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