Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
