Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Iām lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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