Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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