I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
