R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
