he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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