I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
