East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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