i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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