Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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