Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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