Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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