all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
