Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
