is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
