I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
