I think scott just propositioned me for sex
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize