well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
