So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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