i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
worst night to have a conscience
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
