did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
