i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
nutella sex= disaster
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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