it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i barfeds in our rink
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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