Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
