Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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