it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
