I think my vagina is haunted
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
